If you think wearing men’s spandex swimsuits is the downfall of humanity, then there is something wrong with you in my opinion. I was walking around on the beach the other day, my own slice of private beach I might add, when some jackass comes up to me and insists that I go home and put on something more appropriate for wearing in public. First off, you crossed over a fence with no trespassing signs all over it in order to come and tell me to change my swimwear. I should have had him arrested right there and then, especially when you consider the price I had to pay for that beach side house.
However, I decided to be nice and ask him what was wrong with the spandex swimsuits that I decided to wear on my beach. He never even reacted to the fact that he was on my beach but, instead, shot right to the “you’re going to hell” for dressing like that speech. I chuckled at that remark as I looked at his paisley printed trunks, loose fitting shirt, blindingly white legs, oversized straw hat, and sunglasses that would have been too large on an elephant. Yep, this guy was giving me advice on what to wear to the beach.
It turns out that he was a vacationing tourist from the Midwest where they didn’t have things like spandex swimsuits for guys to wear. I kindly walked him back to the gate that he came through in order to harass me and pointed to the signs that told him he wasn’t welcome here. I then explained that just about every guy he sees on public beaches in this area will be wearing some kind of spandex based swimsuit if he looked hard enough. I smiled, waved goodbye and pointed once again to the signs that informed him it was a private beach before turning my back to him for good. I’m not sure just how long he stood there staring at me open mouthed before giving up and leaving.